HALEY, a successful restaurateur and single mom- in her late 30s early 40s, thinks shes finally met Mr Right. In the monologue she calls her brother for advice and then the date.
(She reaches for the phone and dials)
HALEY: Hey, its me. No, not yet, he’s coming over tonight. B.J. stop it! I’m too nervous right now you cant make fun of me. Yes. Ha ha. Yes of course I got rid of her, she’s spending the night at Emily’s. No, honey, he more than assumes, its been stated specifically, the plan is that he comes over, we order Chinese take-out and then actually do the deed on the living room floor before the food even gets here. (she laughs)What? I guess.
(She checks her phone. Moves nervous)
A little. (Beat)A little, just a little, don’t make it a big thing, it’s a little. OK. An hour. Hes almost an hour late, but-oh don’t do that silence thing. He’s a busy guy, sometimes he’s late. Im not going to turn into one of those psycho girlfriends who thinks the worst when a guy’s a little late.
(Beat) Shit!
You think I should call him?- Yes I have his cell. –Stop it would you?- Yes Ill call him, I will, I will. Yes, Ill call you back of course Ill call you back.
(She hangs up the phone)
(To herself) Jerk.
(She paces, picks up the phone and dials)
HALEY: Yeah, Hi, Lewis? Uh, Its Haley, I was just wondering what happened to you. So, just give me a call when you get this, or maybe Ill see you first. You’re probably on your way. Okay. Bye.
(She hangs up, embarrassed at herself.)Shit. Shit.
(She goes out into the hallway, nervous, and returns holding a phonebook in her hands, sits on the bed and opens it.) be here be here be here-yes.
(On the phone) Oh. Hello! Hello, I was wondering, is, um Lewis there?(Beat) Uh, Haley.
(She looks up at the ceiling, suddenly trying to hold back tears.)
Yes, Hello Lewis. I uh, was wondering what happened to you, I think we said eight o’clock, and- Uh huh. Oh, Uh huh. (Beat) Yeah, of course no, Im not- angry Im just disappointed, that’s all. But not, uh…Listen can I just ask, does that have anything to do with the woman who just answered the phone? (beat) You did, yes you told me about her but you said that had , that that had “gone south” and-
(Haley listens, nod her head)
Oh, Oh! You’re living together. No, Im sorry, I didn’t understand that . I thought “went south” meant, “went south”. (Quick beat). Im not –accusing, Oh God that’s so- Listen its fine, I don’t. I just thought something else was going on which was obviously my mistake. But I do, you know, I just don’t quite understand why you didn’t call. I mean, it sounds like you came to this decision sometime before this very instant. (Beat) So my point being, were you ever going to call and tell me about it? I mean, Ive been waiting here for an hour and a half, expecting you to come over for some big romantic- and you clearly had no plans to come and were you just going to let me figure that out on my own in the most humiliating way possible? Okay, Yeah, I guess I am angry, I-
(She stops, not trying to lose it, takes a deep breath).
You know what? I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have to go. And don’t come into my restaurant even if someone as stupid as me calls you and invites you, don’t even think about it, because you know what? We don’t serve lying deceitful cheating fucking cowards!
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