BREAKALEGG

Generally speaking, actors are normally too apologetic about themselves or their craaft. We tend to victimize ourselves somehow (specially at auditions) because we feel lucky to be given a chance, or time, or a meeting, so we value other peoples time more than our own. How many times have you been at an audition, had to start over or simply been given feedback and started by saying: "Im sorry". Or, "Im sorry I couldnt memorize the lines, I got the script last night…etc." Chances are, very often. When it comes down to it, 90% of apologies are done for one of two reasons: Justify and make Excuses, or To seek sympathy or pity by becoming the victim. NEITHER of these will help you in your career or to become a better actor. SO STOP doing it.

On the other 10% of the spectrum, we are human, and we all make mistakes, and if these mistakes genuinely hurt or hinder others then we not only should, but need to apologize sincerily. Its the only way you can maintain healthy relationships and not burn bridges in the industry when you mess up. So what does it take to really make a true heartfelt apology? The Simple Dollar breaks it down to 3 parts:

The Accuracy
An apology that actually works is one that shows that you have real insight into what you did wrong and the effects of that mistake. Doing that well takes some introspection and some willingness to admit that you do have specific faults.

When you realize you’re in a position where you need to apologize, step back for a bit and look at the situation. What exactly did you do wrong? It might be easy to point to a specific thing, but is that actually just one little piece of a larger thing?

The Delivery
There are three key points you need to get across when you deliver your apology.

“I did something wrong.” A real apology is an admission of fault. You made a mistake somewhere along the way – if you had not made a mistake, you would not be apologizing.

“What I did hurt you – and I recognize that.” Your fault, the one you admitted to, caused pain or difficulty for someone else. You need to recognize that if you want your apology to matter at all.

“What can I do to make amends?” Most of the time, an apology is sufficient for beginning to rebuild trust. Sometimes, however, more may be needed – perhaps you need to speak to someone else to repair a reputation, or maybe you should fix an item that you broke. Reaching out and offering to make these amends (and if you don’t know what they might be, offering to do what it takes) goes a long way towards cementing the sincerity of your apology.

The Sincerity
Most important of all, if you can’t be authentic about any of the above parts, don’t apologize at all. An insincere apology is transparent and does nothing to repair the situation. All it does is further damage your own reputation, not only in terms of the person you’re “apologizing” to, but to anyone else who hears about it.

Another note: a sincere apology never, ever expects an apology in return. An apology in the form of “I apologize, but I expect you to apologize in return” is not an apology – it’s a request for someone to apologize to you.

For the full article on Simple Dollar… Click Here.

Posted on July 25th, 2009 under Business, Personal Growth •  Print This Post •  Email This Post • RSS 2.0 feed • Leave a response, or trackback